I've been thinking about how stressful spirituality is in general. Isn't it? I mean really. There is a God up there, down here, in here (she says pointing at her heart) in the flower and the bee and the ...and the...and the...
He/she lives in some parallel ...alternative...kingdom... essence...perception... somewhere... somewhere...somewhere....We were made to search....find..realize...question...accept..not accept..read...feel...stop...go...stop...go...stop..go...The traffic on this highway is heavy and varied and loving and hateful and right and wrong and up and down and just shit...you know..just damn.
If that is not enough we live in this world with traffic and kids and finances or lack thereof and work and play and drinking or not drinking or fighting some inward battle ...fighting....loosing...winning...crumbling...rising...and all this is going on in THIS world all the while we are suppose to be stumbling around finding the light switch for the other.
I don't know about you but for me sometimes it's maddening. It's no wonder the madness factor for spiritial writers who have gone insane is astonishing. If they don't go mad they look pretty crazy. I wonder sometimes if all my spiritial musing don't make me look like a cross between Tammy Faye Baker and Edgar Allen Poe....
Some folks call a searching or a walk with God "messy." I'll say. I have heard many people say that when they see Jesus or God or whoever there God is they are going to fall down at his feet and roll around in his love and sing and dance. Not me. I so believe in God that I am going to be real and go and punch him right in the face. Did it really have to be this difficult...or...maybe I make it this difficult...that seems to be the question at hand these days for me. Right now though...if I see him today I'm going to punch God in the face.
Being a follower of Jesus teachings and loving the example of his life (realizing fully well there are many paths to God and mine ain't all there is....) I do like the fact that Jesus was honest. When he was hanging up his earth suit for the last time and was ascending into that ...well...hell I don't know....he said "in this life you will have tribulation (some shit....you got that right.) My peace I leave you...etc etc. I love his honesty. Your going to have some shit here on this earth. I mean look at his life.
Jesus came down here to love on people and they go..."Oh hell no..." and stick nails in your hands, feet and put you on a cross. All Jesus did was present the idea that there is another world....another way....
It's clear enough how to act IN it...Love your neighbor...take care of yourself....Most of the world gets that I think. That part is easy. Here is the hard part for me.
LOVE GOD. Why should I? The truth is I do. Over the last 10 years I have found a love he has for me that for most of my life I did not know existed. His love was something to be worked for. You do some kind of shuck and jive and maybe..just maybe...he will tip his hat your way and throw a few coins in you bucket. I've learned differently and maybe at some later date I'll share about that but I am writing about the nasty now and now. As much as I love God I still want to punch God in the face for the Stress of Spirituality....I think God can take it.
Jesus came down here to love on people and they go..."Oh hell no..." and stick nails in your hands, feet and put you on a cross. All Jesus did was present the idea that there is another world....another way....
It's clear enough how to act IN it...Love your neighbor...take care of yourself....Most of the world gets that I think. That part is easy. Here is the hard part for me.
LOVE GOD. Why should I? The truth is I do. Over the last 10 years I have found a love he has for me that for most of my life I did not know existed. His love was something to be worked for. You do some kind of shuck and jive and maybe..just maybe...he will tip his hat your way and throw a few coins in you bucket. I've learned differently and maybe at some later date I'll share about that but I am writing about the nasty now and now. As much as I love God I still want to punch God in the face for the Stress of Spirituality....I think God can take it.
I recently lost a friend to suicide. His writings about God and love were astonishing works of art. Life changing strands of his heart strung together in beautiful pearls of wisdom. He was more of spirit than of this earth. I kind of understand that. You think about God so much that when your feet touch down on this world....your crushed by it's lack of love. Your crushed by current hard thorny situations and your lack of freedom and it sucks the joy right out of you. He took his life and I can't figure out which side of the two worlds made that decision for him so easy...or if he just felt more comfortable in the other worldlyness..and went on a journey to find it. I understand that too....I think we all do ...However I understand something that keep my feet planted here..."spirit and TRUTH." You see God is the Spirit...and "I" am the truth. I have to be honest. When Jesus uttered those words to the woman at the well who had many husbands and lived in a community of "zealots" Jesus wasn't concerned for how many times she spread her legs open for men. He was concerned about her truth. Did she know the Father loved her? No matter her current state of affairs?
It's easier to talk about God and love sometimes than to tell the truth about "this" world...and whats going on in it for us....the good ...the bad ...the ugly. Religion still has it's claws in so many to not be able to be honest about "this world." I hate that...I hunger for that. I don't want hear any more about God....I want to hear about you so that I can love you.
The fact remains that we are here and we are also there and we struggle with the whole idea of being in two worlds and both are necessary. You can't have one without the other. I think the Bible mentions something about being "in this world but not of it." I get that but it doesn't take away the stress of the fact at hand does it. I think it's very important to get that out into the open because it's never really discussed. I have to wonder if my friend and so many others are afraid to say what is truly happening in this world....hiding out in another that is real however doesn't really work if you are not human...you must be human...in order to be divine. It mixes well...it has to doesn't it? What would be the point?
So...if I see God today I'm going to punch him in the face. My life is very difficult right now. I have sooo many things on my plate. Does it change my love for God. Absolutely not. His for me?No, I got that down. I'm entitled to throw a fit about the stress of living in two worlds...I have the freedom to do so. I hope you do too. It's quite refreshing to be that honest come what may.
It's easier to talk about God and love sometimes than to tell the truth about "this" world...and whats going on in it for us....the good ...the bad ...the ugly. Religion still has it's claws in so many to not be able to be honest about "this world." I hate that...I hunger for that. I don't want hear any more about God....I want to hear about you so that I can love you.
The fact remains that we are here and we are also there and we struggle with the whole idea of being in two worlds and both are necessary. You can't have one without the other. I think the Bible mentions something about being "in this world but not of it." I get that but it doesn't take away the stress of the fact at hand does it. I think it's very important to get that out into the open because it's never really discussed. I have to wonder if my friend and so many others are afraid to say what is truly happening in this world....hiding out in another that is real however doesn't really work if you are not human...you must be human...in order to be divine. It mixes well...it has to doesn't it? What would be the point?
So...if I see God today I'm going to punch him in the face. My life is very difficult right now. I have sooo many things on my plate. Does it change my love for God. Absolutely not. His for me?No, I got that down. I'm entitled to throw a fit about the stress of living in two worlds...I have the freedom to do so. I hope you do too. It's quite refreshing to be that honest come what may.
